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Nov. 25th, 2020 | 04:20 pm

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Shit's pretty fucked up in here and I'm trying to put up a little bit of psychic insulation so I might eventually find employment. Comment to be added.

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Jul. 5th, 2011 | 03:47 pm

Is anyone still reading this?

I've moved to dandozee.tumblr.com, but I'm not really updating all that much anymore. Just using it to socialize. DERP.

lao youtiao

Feb. 11th, 2010 | 01:01 am

We must come to terms with the fact that I am gentrifying hipster scum. Shichahai is Old Beijing. I live between Xihai and Houhai lakes in an area with countless hutongs and alleyways. Beijing is a difficult city to get lost in because most of the roads run NS/EW. But it's comparatively easy to disappear in a place like this.

But escape is far from my mind, for once. I like the here and now, for now. I'm having difficulty manipulating my usual fantasies.

When not busy moving in or getting used to the neighborhood, I've been meeting some local girls via a local social networking site for food and conversation. To dismiss Chinese girls as either bound by tradition or bound for places West is completely absurd. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I keep meeting the sorts of genuinely quirky chicks I've always loved. And they get me, somehow, even though I am a totally mysterious number.

Do you know why I am awesome at life? Paradoxically, it is because I have no confidence. You have known this about me from the very beginning. Me too. But when I realize it I JUST LOST THE GAME.

One girl in particular has completely swept me away. I'm not even sure what to say right now. Her name's Corinne and she's a Beijinger. I'm so goddamned happy right now. I hope this isn't another hallucination. Smart, funny, independent, and sexy as all hell. We spent the better part of two days in each others arms, doing BLESSED NOTHING. This is life. I couldn't be more fortunate.

Spring Festival is just around the corner. I'm actually looking forward to going to the temple fairs (miao hui). It's a great place to buy cheesy decorations and silly shit. Plus they're so goddamned busy and crowded that my being a foreigner doesn't present as much of a disadvantage in negotiations.

diurnal transmission

Feb. 3rd, 2010 | 08:02 pm

Ok. So.

I'm making definite plans to return to Michigan for June-July. I'll work at Interlochen in the bakery again. Taking it easy, camping, going to music festivals, and getting good & fucked up in my spare time. After that, I think I'll take a road trip or go hitchhiking. Chicago and points east, to New York City. Couchsurfing. Good times. Actually, I've got enough money saved to do this already, but I'm going to work at Interlochen just to stay busy and maintain a connection to the place.

Today is the last day of the gruelling 45 class hour/wk adult English training and IELTS preparation gig. I've got some meeting to try not to sleep through and then I'm done for a month and a half (or less if I want to do some part time shit during the break). No more living in a hotel on the edge of town. Tonight I'm moving into my new apartment. It's a fake siheyuan in a hutong neighborhood near Houhai park. It is incredibly cheap for a studio in such a location. However it's totally unfurnished. I need to do something about that pronto.

Spring Festival is approaching. I don't have plans. I hope I don't spend it alone. Or surrounded by people but psychically isolated, as I was last year.

I paid for VPN service so I don't have to worry about lame Chinese Internet censorship anymore. It'll be handy when I buy a PS3. Which is soon.

Lost my phone on Monday. Fuck me sideways. Should I get a nice one to replace it?

In other news. I'm completely starved for intimate human contact. I cannot look at a lady without considering whether I could chew the elastic out of her underpants. What does this mean? Among other things, shitty poetry coming down the pipe. Yeah I feel a dump coming on. My colon is like a cartoon firehose with that first huge burst of water travelling through like the fat mouse the snake is about to upchuck.

I should be regularly updating. I have important things to say. With stable paid-for VPN service I am no longer have any excuse not to update. Anyway I need to get something published. This space is for experimentation.

Okay. Good day to you blogs. Readers.



Jun. 23rd, 2009 | 01:17 pm

Hey! Livejournal isn't blocked anymore!

Thanks, communist heathens. You're not so bad after all.

I don't have to use a Facebook app as a lazy-assed proxy for the old blogs. Huzzah! And more importantly, I can reply to comments again. I do miss the old days, in Michigan, where I could inflate the number of comments in each blog entry by talking to myself. I thought those days were over. But no!

I am about to unleash the great cleansing fire upon my facebook privacy settings again.

From here on out nobody sees any of my profile unless they can describe my swimsuit area in vivid detail.

That is all.

fappe fatale

Jun. 5th, 2009 | 11:48 pm

Grasshopper dying from high-risk wanking in the kink capital of the world has got me thinking about death again.

More so than usual, anyway.

But I've always said that the best way to leave this rock would be with a bag over my face, pants around my ankles. Maybe in combination with a spike and a spoon and a dark dark room, but I'd think it'd be hard to rub one out with an overdose quantity of horse galloping through one's veins. It is hard to appreciate the little death with such an imposing manifestation of the big one eclipsing it.

So I'm a little irked at this news. I thought that even if I never had my life figured out, at least I had a rock 'n' roll retirement plan. If one more celebrity goes out this way, it's just going to be cliche.

Just remember, kids: it's not suicidal if it's so good you want to wake up and live another day just to do it again.


Feb. 2nd, 2009 | 08:38 am

My phone is in the back of a taxi somewhere. No, I didn't take a receipt. Fuck.

The phone was malfunctioning and only cost me 100 kuai. I have another one at home. I'm only going to miss the SIM card with the easily memorized number and the address book full of agents and contacts.

Watch this space for my new phone number.

Creatures of the Night

Jan. 27th, 2009 | 07:35 am

Chinese New Year was a blast; celebrated with Erik & Carol and family. I saw the fireworks over the lake at Houhai park. It's like watching independence day fireworks back home, except in 360 degrees because every Chinese family buys an anti-aircraft battery to set the sky aflame come midnight. Smoldering cardboard falls from the sky and a sulfurous cloud of gunpowder crawls through every street.

Ancient Chinese used firecrackers to ward off evil spirits. Of course that's an absolute crock of shit. I'M STILL HERE, you fuckers. And rather than being rebuked, I'm merely irritated that I can't sleep past noon.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Chairman Mao. Then we're going to the "miao hui" (temple fair) at DiTan.

Closing thoughts:
I just made myself the admin on the BEIJING PARTY ANIMALS facebook group. I saw an opportunity and I took it.

Anyone in the China network ought to join. I can make you an officer and give you a cool title.

What's mine?

"People's Champion of the Lumpen Proletariat," of course!

Take it sleazy,

on holiday

Jan. 22nd, 2009 | 02:30 am

(what never occured to me was to inquire:
"what the blessed fuck is that rhythmic thumping?")

when those
dreamless, dastardly demi-deities
& brainy bastard biblio-bureaucrats
cruel & crooked
illuminated lines
derived from the
limens of lifetimes
well that's the world
too bad I guess
unlife feeds on life
still you lay yet
not troubled at all
eyes illuminated
soul insulated
gets under your skin
and everything's
all fine as ever
here in dandyland
we're poolside
sticky with spilled red wine and tequila
turning paler yet by the a waning morning star

I turned
to you
to speak,
you took my breath away
that's quite a deathgrip
you've got on my
& guts

she's so sublime
slithering serpentine
the sand of sleep
the salt of the deep
and not to mention so, uh--limber!

(:30 seconds wildlife stock footage)

bloorts the hundred handed pink & purple ethereal jellyfish laser lumberjack. But we didn't feel the crash of the world tree as it fell toward the rift. We knew not of that knocking of knots, not for all that nervous snuggle snogging! All clumsy groping, cacophonous groaning--we were oblivious to oblivion!

Who gives a shit what the neighbors think?
I think we'll use the wood to build an outhouse.
Before the Joneses can raise a fucking cross.

shitty shits

Dec. 6th, 2008 | 11:06 am

The lady friend couldn't make it this weekend on account of a bunch of fascist cunts seizing both the international airports in Bangkok. But she'll be here next weekend, barring any serious security issues.

So I ain't doing shit this weekend. S'all right. Saving some money.

One of my roommates is moving out soon and I think if I play my cards right he'll give me his room, which is much larger. I'm already buying his computer from him for 300 kuai (about fifty bucks). 牛逼! Unfortunately, he's the cool roommate. The one that didn't move all the furniture out of my room before I moved in. Here's to hoping that the guy he finds to take his lease isn't a total douchebag. Hope I get some say in the recruitment process.

Food is awesome. Wet farts... not so much. But thanks anyway.


Nov. 13th, 2008 | 11:05 pm

How about this weather we're having? It's getting pretty chilly here in Beijing, and the apartment heat is only cranked to nominal levels. But I imagine back home there's a foot of snow and an inch of ice on the ground.

New Preznit on the way. Whuddya thinkuh that, Hopeys? I won that little personal wager that Obama would take Michigan by at least 10 percentage points. That sure seems like an easy bet to make right now, but I think I made it sometime around the Republican National Convention. So I've had a big ole shit eating grin on my face for the last two weeks. I just wish I would've cast my own vote.

Is this a dream? Everything seems too good to be true. Sure, the world economy is fucked six ways and sideways. I'm not counting on some kind of global worker's revolution to lead us to salvation, but neither do I expect that ordinary folks are just going to roll over and take it in the ass while a few people continue to rake in the dough during these trying times.

I feel like I got a new lease on my personal life, too. My job is pretty nice. My students are all pretty bright, even if they're lazy and uncooperative most of the time. I don't mind that so much. I just warn them that if they're going to take that attitude they're gonna have to stop giving a shit about their grades. I'm trying to look at myself as less of a teacher and more of a culture coach. Even in my speaking class. I'm making these guys give a 3 minute speech every week, but when they fuck up I'm not doing too much to set them straight. Just getting them to grow some balls/eggs. 'Cuz they're all pretty decent with English. On paper, anyway. They just need some confidence.


Oct. 17th, 2008 | 12:54 am

I've aged five years in as many months.

Finally got an apartment in WuDaoKou, the uni district in the northwest of central Beijng. It's cheap, it's on the ground floor, and it's near the subway, but it's sorta filthy, and I had to borrow a lot of money to pay the deposit. Ah well. What's most important is that now I have a base of operations and I can finally unwind a little bit.

I might even get a computer out of the deal. The outbound occupant has no room for a fast desktop with a busted monitor. My updates could soon become more frequent.

Nadine took off for Inner Mongolia. So I've been out of sorts. We were just good pals, but I do have a tendency to let my friendships drift into dangerously intimate territory. And although she is one of those exceptional and amusingly depraved persons I am apt to find myself finding my self in, I think this time I know better.

I don't want to fuck things up with Soi, either, although I have my doubts about how long I can maintain a long distance relationship. I'm not worried about her; she's a helluva lot more patient than I am, and I'll never be the suspicious type. But I'm beginning to acknowledge that I really am quite the flirtatious bastard. And as always, I can be so surprised that anyone would want to get close to a monsterous freak like me that I have difficulty saying 'no' even if that's what I really want.

I started smoking. Sort of. I bought a pack of cigarettes just to offer folks 'cuz that's just common courtesy here in the Bei of Jing. But now I smoke at bars occasionally. Because I'm cool like that.


the lamentations of the lame

Oct. 10th, 2008 | 12:00 am

Regretably, I won't be voting in the election because I still don't have an address to get my ballot mailed to me. I should've planned ahead a little better.

The election's in the bag for Obama, anyway, and I'm predicting a double-digit win for Barry in Michigan. I'm betting on it. I'll post pictures of my face after downing a double shot of baijiu if this doesn't happen. Is this crazy? After all, a bunch of urinalists were calling Michigan a toss-up state at the beginning of the cycle. But they're daft shits. Their reasoning was backed by Obama's poor performance in the primary... where his name wasn't even on the cunting ballot.

Fuck that shit.

The now newsworthy economic woe touched Michigan two decades before the rest of the states. Educated Michiganders driven into diaspora by a lack of opportunities for degree holders comprise a vanguard intelligensia that will lead the masses of other states out of these troubled times. Even though we are spread far and wide, we will fold this rusty mitt into an iron fist. OF COMMUNISM.

Hyperbole aside, I still think I'm making a safe bet.

But for all my boundless boners for Barry, the real fight is down the ticket. The reason the old guard of the DNC gave this unknown quantity a shot at the Prezy job is to attract votes for local and state Dems--and it's only through them that we will effect true CHANGE.

So now I must sincerely beg your forgiveness. My lack of forethought will prevent me from doing my civic duty and taking part in this important event. In ten years, I will look back and wish I could have been a part of this instead of slumming around Asia and taking advantage of the bleak wealth disparity.

SAW-REE GUISE. There ain't much I can do from here. Alls I gots be words.

take everything

Oct. 8th, 2008 | 09:36 am

Tomorrow I start my new job.

I'm teaching the best of the best of Chinese students. The school is affiliated with Beijing University, the #1 school in China, but all of the students are preparing to take the TOEFL to study in America. I'm teaching Speaking and American Culture.

At least I think it is a Beijing U affiliate. These agents are so shady that I can never really know. A former BU student I met at the subway station thought I was getting swindled. But I've already observed some of the students and their English is pretty damned good. I should make it through this gig with all organs intact.

I don't deserve this gig. I don't have a lot of experience. But there is a serious shortage of teachers right now because so many of us had to leave due to visa regulations during the Olympic season, and many are so bitter that they won't be coming back. I am particularly lucky since I got my current visa through the Bangkok consulate, which is extra relaxed. Other teachers who are not so pissed off about having to leave will still have to pay a fuckload of money for dodgy visas or wait another month.

So I'll strike while the iron is hot.

I'm a little intimidated and nervous, but I still remember that eager students are the easiest to teach. Maybe I am underqualified, but when students are self-directed, they barely need any instruction. I prefer to engage students informally and build up to teaching the complicated academic jargon and grammatical nuances after I've gained their trust. Maybe my pedagogical techniques are undeveloped, but I don't think anyone has any doubts about my ability to speak. While it's usually a curse when dealing with beginners and intermediates, I really think these advanced students will really appreciate just how effortlessly I shift between folksy idiomatics and academic language.

If not, I'm fucked. If I can't do this, I'm going to have to shitcan teaching altogether and find a job as an editor. Which I'd like to do eventually anyway. Just not yet.


shorter dando: I got a job I don't deserve. White place, right place. Kiss muh grits.


Feb. 8th, 2007 | 10:49 am

Take Back The Night 2007!
Click Here To Read More About This Event!Collapse )

34 years

Jan. 22nd, 2007 | 04:49 pm

Blog for Choice Day - January 22, 2007

Today is the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. I would have forgotten if not for a few righteous rants, which everyone of you should read, whether you're sitting on the fence or the most ardent supporter of the pro-choice movement.

I'm every bit as tired as everyone else of explaining myself and engineering apologies. So abortion counseling comprises less than a tenth of what Planned Parenthood actually does. That doesn't mean we're going to be silent on the issue and just talk about family planning, sex education, and contraception. What the fuck is that? The Iraq strategy? If we fight the terrorists over there, they won't come after us here. Fuck that. Abortion is the contested political territory. Everything else is an argument the pro-choice movement has already won in deed.

Maybe back when I was still flirting around with the idea of pursuing journalism as a vocation that kind of public relations maneuvering. But that's not where I'm going anymore. So fuck moderation. Fuck playing defense. Fuck trying to seek the middle ground when conciliation entails more restrictions for women and healthcare providers.

Roe v. Wade is here to stay. Even another Bush appointee on the Supreme Court probably won't change that. What we should be worried about are all the government restrictions that seem innocent at first (parental/spousal notification, informed consent, etc.) but put together constitute an undue burden on abortion providers. This is why clinics are closing down and cutting services. Our enemies may very well be as stupid as we often think, but their methods are not so crude.

So be vigilant.

Galactus is Coming! [from BoingBoing.net]

Nov. 21st, 2006 | 10:36 am


Revolution at 4:30 (dude, later)

Nov. 20th, 2006 | 04:20 pm
mood: taking it sleazy

I'm starting a political party in the Situationist tradition.

It's called the Transgressive Party.

Catchy, huh? Basically it's the political gateway drug. As one smokes reefer before growing up and doing coke like a big kid, so to must we come to terms with situational constructivism before we can understand class, gender, and race. So it's sort of like a sandbox for presociological student activists. YIP-IN AT THE WARRINER MALL, BRING YOUR BONGOS AND YOUR MEGAPHONES KIDS. WE'RE PROTESTING NOTHING IN PARTICULAR UNTIL WE LEARN TO DO IT RIGHT.

Of course it is incumbent upon me to provide permanent charismatic leadership to resist institutional rationalization, so this will most certainly require my transformation into an immortal cybernetic abomination (with black lasers), as post-human metamorphosis is the ultimate transgressive act.

Unless of course you're an anarcho-primitivist, in which case you can take your deep ecology and stick it up your ass. The robovolutionary vanguard has a monopoly on refuting anthropocentrism. Those who would disturb the unnatural order shall be as sacrificial lambs, the compromise in the Hegelian synthesis of progress and alienation.


Shit. Sources tell me we can't be robots yet.


Fuck whitey

Nov. 8th, 2006 | 03:50 pm

Granholm beat DeVos and the Democrats are winning the House, the governorships, and probably the Senate, but MI prop 2 (MCRI, banning state affirmative action programs) passed and prop 5 (mandatory inflationary increase to K-16 education) failed.

Maybe a few candidates won, but in Michigan, the people lost. All because out-of-state interest groups convinced rednecks that affirmative action is racist and educational funding would mostly end up going to teachers' pension and retirement funds (as if honoring obligations to an often marginalized profession is a BAD THING).

On the bright side, eminent domain was quietly reformed and those goddamn rednecks can't shoot mourning doves. I actually voted yes on the morning doves proposal because sometimes I really do vote with my heart and in my heart I have an intense and irrational disdain for charismatic fauna, a jealous lover of humanity that I may be.

I keep hearing this murmur that the coalition we've so unfairly pidgeon-holed into the monolithic "religious right" are getting tired of being manipulated by the corporate power elite. Those are my words for it, anyway. There are more pro-choice, pro-equality, anti-war Christians of every denomination out there than we're lead to imagine.

So celebrate. But don't let the clamor distract you from the collective death rattle sighs of populism and participatory democracy.

Any skilled necromancers thinking about unleashing some undead abominations upon civic democracy? Hit me up, yo.

And things were going so well this semester

Oct. 31st, 2006 | 10:41 am

I just want everyone to know that Final Fantasy XII comes out today, so I probably won't have time for things like friends, school, bathing, eating, or sleeping for the next few weeks. Just so you know.